First off, I don't need everyone tell me to get help about the suicidal thing. It's not an immediate concern, just something that I can see this all developing into down the line. If you really care, then please try to give me some advice, some help.
I just got back from the dermatologist, I go because I've got a bit of acne...it's not overwhelming, but I'm pretty uncomfortable with it.
I've had issues with flushing, BIG TIME, since mid high school. I'm now 20 years old, and I go through it with everything. Sex, alcohol, certain foods, anxiety, the sun, the heat, EVERYTHING. I actually go through periods of times when it's worse than others, if I recall correctly...Only lately has it started to become an issue again.
I know this isn't strictly a problem with my skin itself at ALL, when I wake up in the morning, EVERY morning, my face is the same color as my arms, just a tad tan. And then any of those other things happen, and I can get so beet red in a way that lasts for hours at times. And it looks SO ridiculously unnatural, ESPECIALLY after sex. Milky white chest/stomach, brown arms, lighter brown legs, and a f*cking beet red face. I can't deal with this sh*t any more, it's a perpetual cycle and increases my anxiety.
My girlfriend is a BEAUTIFUL Asian with perfect caramel skin, but due to some circumstances, I haven't seen her in a while. The last time she was with me I wasn't dealing with this, she doesn't even KNOW about my rosacea other than that I used to get pink/red at TIMES. Lately, it's been freaking perpetual. And honestly, I'm almost sure that if she got back and saw this, I'd be on thin ice. Don't tell me not to be with someone so 'shallow,' attraction is part of relationships, and what I have is NOT attractive in the slightest. The discrepancy between this perfect, caramel skin and this beet red face standing in the mirror is jolting.
It's completely a blood flow related issue. To make matters worse, I've taken on a career that for months at a time may require me to be in the glaring Texas heat from 7 in the morning to 3 30 or 5 30 in the afternoon. I apply as much sunscreen as I possibly can, but I don't know if it's enough...the plant I work at won't allow me to wear any kind of hat that provides extensive coverage. And honestly, THIS may be why it's getting worse. For the first time in my life, at 20 years old, I'm able to see my blood vessels through my nose and at the very tippy top of my cheeks.
So I go into the dermatologist today, looking, hoping, praying for answers or results, promises, ANYTHING. She ignored EVERYTHING I had to say. She wasn't paying attention to me, instead, she just incessantly stayed on the topic of acne and blew off the rosacea thing altogether, though she did admit I had it. She basically said I was screwed. She said that I'm stuck like this unless I get IPL and that it's just going to get worse with every split second of sun I take it. She said my skin will just keep getting thinner and that it will never heal, even with periods of times without any sun. I'm not kidding you. I walked out of there crushed.
For one, I know for DAMN sure it's not even a skin problem...I wake up in the mornings and everything looks great. If I could just get this blood flow under control, everything would be PERFECT...I think...but I'm unsure about my sun exposure, or if anyone here is in a similar situation...
Anyways, she prescribed Metrocream, which I honestly know will have 0 impact, but I'll still try it. Told me to keep the rest of my regimen going, but that this was just going to get worse and worse all my life. She didn't even sound sorry or anything, just said it in such a "matter of fact" way. I can't afford any kind of IPL right now, I'm about to move in with my girlfriend. If I don't move in with her now, I'll lose her. If I keep getting worse and worse with rosacea, I'll lose her. And it's not just losing HER that's going to make me suicidal. I've already got some issues on those ends, things I'm trying to take care of. But I see rosacea taking people down a horrible social path, and that's just something I can't bear.
Whenever I can afford IPL in a couple of years, I'm DEFINITELY going to look into that...I'm also looking into a number of meds such as antihistamines or blood pressure reducers that might take care of the blushing/flushing altogether...and looking at melanotan. Maybe all of that together will get me where I need to be? Even if I'm enduring some hot summers out in the Texas heat (with sunscreen, mind you, though I can't apply every 30 mins or anything...more like every 2 hours. Also, I'm not ALWAYS out in the sun. It can range all over the place, 2 months in the sun, 8 months in air conditioning, or 2 years in the sun and 2 months in air condition...I just don't know where this job could take me, but it's definitely not perpetual...even the outside jobs you get to stay in the shade a lot of the times.)
Just...advice, please. Hope...anything. About the flushing itself, don't comment on my work or girlfriend, please. And thank you, very much...