Warped perception?

[sparrow-legs]

Hello all :-)

I am beginning to think I have a really warped, unhealthy perception of what other people's skin looks like, what is "normal", and of how I should look.

In my head, everyone in the entire world bar me has flawless skin. When I look in the mirror in the morning, I am always really disappointed and disgusted when I do not see perfect porcelain skin. Of course, I know this is silly, because really I know that it isn't possible: no-one is perfect, and most people will have some spots, blotches, blackheads or whatever, but it still seems to me that I should be perfect, and that I am a failure in this respect.

I would never judge anyone else on their appearance, but to me, if I don't feel I look nice, I feel like I am a worthless human being who is not destined to get a good degree, a good job, fall in love etc. Sometimes I even feel like I should not be wearing nice new clothes or beautiful jewellery, because I am not good enough for it. It's like putting Cartier on a goat.

I think I should probably go and talk to someone about this, but talking therapy has never really helped me in the past.

Am I ridiculous? Should I just stop whining and get out there?
I feel like I'm going a bit mad sometimes blink:

Can anyone relate?

[MissD]

I can definitely relate. When I go out and look at other people's skin everyone's looks so flawless to me. But you are right - no one's skin is perfect save for maybe a child's. Not even models have perfect skin, though their makeup can make it seem that way.

You are not worthless just because your skin isn't perfect. There's much more to a person than their appearance, and you know what? A confident person is often the most attractive. You could be the most beautiful person in the world with gorgeous porcelain skin, but you'd be nothing without personality and confidence.

As for me, I'm going to admit that I have some hyperpigmentation marks left over from past acne that are taking forever to fade on their own because my skin is so fair. It looks pretty healthy otherwise, but the marks make it look less than so. I've been told they're not noticeable unless you look up close but I'm not sure I believe it. This is the point I become a bit of a hypocrite from what I've said above, but I plan on getting the marks lasered once the rosacea is taken care of. If it's reasonable, sometimes skin needs a bit of help.

Sometimes the mind needs a bit of help too. I've never found therapists to work for me either, but pills do laugh:

You're not going mad. Try not to worry, be confident (easier said than done I know), and yes, get out there! Life is too short to stop living it just because of your skin. yes:

[Melissa W]

Dear Helena,

I agree with Miss D. Life is way too short and precious to worry constantly about your appearance. To some degree it is ok to be concerned but after a while it is just useless energy spent worrying. You are way more than your appearance and have so much more to offer than that. I laughed out loud when I read your analogy about putting Cartier on a goat laugh: Great visual but cmon. You are no goat. No disrespect intended to any goats btw.

You should do what you can to control your rosacea symptoms but don't let it stop you from living your life. You are young and have so much to look forward to and enjoy. You need to focus on school and family and friends and just get out there and live. Your true friends and family love you for you- not for what you look like! Remember that. True beauty comes from within!! It always has and always will.

Hugs,
Melissa

[mossfern]

Hello all :-)

I would never judge anyone else on their appearance, but to me, if I don't feel I look nice, I feel like I am a worthless human being who is not destined to get a good degree, a good job, fall in love etc. Sometimes I even feel like I should not be wearing nice new clothes or beautiful jewellery, because I am not good enough for it. It's like putting Cartier on a goat.

I think I should probably go and talk to someone about this, but talking therapy has never really helped me in the past.

Am I ridiculous? Should I just stop whining and get out there?
I feel like I'm going a bit mad sometimes blink:

Can anyone relate?


Actually I feel the same way. Somehow I think that I don't deserve anything because I don't look perfect. Now, to put things in perspective, I have a loving husband and four great kids. I'm actually respected in my community, being elected to public office twice (despite my 'looks') and do great at my job which involves dealing with people all day. All this, yet I feel like I'm some sort of defective human being. Yeah, I know it's sick.

I recently had to go to a large formal affair as part of my position. My husband couldn't understand why I didn't want to go. That was for fear of people looking at me. Personally I think all this has very little to do with the rosacea, but more with other stuff. But, on the other hand, I know from experience that women in general are still somewhat judged based on the way they look. Just look at the comments from people and the press about the female candidates in the recent US presidential election.

[phlika29]

I happen to think that many people, whether they have rosacea or not, have these sort of thoughts. Feeling like a fraud, that you aren't worthy is such a destructive feelingCry:. You certainly arent alone in this but as to how you over come it I am afraid I cant really advise.

[J-Mill]

Hello all :-)

I am beginning to think I have a really warped, unhealthy perception of what other people's skin looks like, what is "normal", and of how I should look.

In my head, everyone in the entire world bar me has flawless skin. When I look in the mirror in the morning, I am always really disappointed and disgusted when I do not see perfect porcelain skin. Of course, I know this is silly, because really I know that it isn't possible: no-one is perfect, and most people will have some spots, blotches, blackheads or whatever, but it still seems to me that I should be perfect, and that I am a failure in this respect.

I would never judge anyone else on their appearance, but to me, if I don't feel I look nice, I feel like I am a worthless human being who is not destined to get a good degree, a good job, fall in love etc. Sometimes I even feel like I should not be wearing nice new clothes or beautiful jewellery, because I am not good enough for it. It's like putting Cartier on a goat.

I think I should probably go and talk to someone about this, but talking therapy has never really helped me in the past.

Am I ridiculous? Should I just stop whining and get out there?
I feel like I'm going a bit mad sometimes blink:

Can anyone relate?


If it wasn't already obvious from my recent postings I am on the "get over it and get out there" group.

The greatest symptom of Rosacea appears to be making you feel as though you do not have the power to live your life. It is easy to blame Rosacea for not living life, but the truth is that people are just scared to live life sometimes. There is always an excuse for it. If it wasn't Rosacea you could pick something else.

Believe in yourself and things will fall into place.

...I sound like a freakin' after school special or something blink:

[phlika29]

laugh: but you make a good point. No good comes from mopping around. Clearly those that do well arent necessarily the ones with flawless skin they are the ones that are diligent and generally make the effort to get involved.

[Lookout]

I can understand what you are saying....if I am having a really bad time of it....flare ups, flushing, intense burning and bumps all over it's very difficult to feel like I want to dress up and go out in public!

But just this Easter at my MIL's home my husband's brother & cousin started telling me out of the blue that I look the same as I did 20yrs ago!laugh: I was like WHAT!!!!shock: then they said it's a compliment.....saying I haven't changed.....all I could think was....you have no clue what I really look like under all this makeup and if you saw me w/o it you wouldn't be saying thatyes:.....that's the part I struggle with....it's like the flat chested woman who wears a padded bra...every night when you take it off reality HITS and you think ugh......this is the real me....rosacea has become such a huge part of my life.....even with makeup on when I look in the mirror all I see is the rosacea.....so yes I probably need therapy or something LOL but talking doesn't work for me either....I cry and my rosacea flare up more and I think what a waste that wasblush:

My husband was mad at me and kept saying that I need to learn to receive compliments.....and that he thinks I look 30 instead of 44......GOD bless him but he needs his eyes checked!

So your not alone....lot's of us are struggling out there right along with you.

[TheMediumDog]

If every day you are seeing images of beautiful people with flawless skin, and the message that goes with it is, "Wow, look at her, she is BEAUTIFUL, and because of that she is happy, and successful, and normal, and...oh my, look at all these hunks that want to be near her... Hey you, you there. You can be like this. Its easy, just pop down to the store and get our new moisturizer" etc. If you're seeing those things thousands of times per day, every day, then its not warped perception to see yourself as inadequate; its what you are being made to perceive.

For me, I think I make progress when I say "yes, I've not got perfect skin; in fact, it looks pretty crappy", but then stop there, and don't go on, "...and everyone else's is perfect, and this makes me a lesser being" and all the rest. There is a way of thinking, where instead of keeping things in proper perspective, as soon as you're not perfect, everything is a disaster, and terrible etc; you need to get out of that.

Its still fine to say "oh, poor me, I wish I didn't have this. It doesn't look very nice". But not, "I'm just a worm".

[queta]

Hi
I'm like you-if my skin looks bad I feel badly about myself. I can't help it...too many years of negative comments being directed towards me. Alas-the one good thing is that it has forced me to eat a strict rosacea diet, avoid alcohol, and take supplements to keep it under control so I am much healthier than I would be otherwise. I've also noticed that lately my skin looks really good and guys are checking me out. It makes me feel weird 'cuz I'm not used to it. I don't really like it, to be honest with you. I feel paranoid or something...I can't explain. My best friend doesn't understand why I'm so self-conscious at 40. It's because of all the years of having bad skin, enlarged nose, etc and being called "ugly." Now if people look at me 'cuz they think I look good I am uncomfortable. I often wish everyone would just leave one another alone and not be so damned into looks. Also, if you look attractive, then women are jealous and are sometimes mean to you. It's a no win-I swear.
Queta

[valby]

I have been struggling big time with this since my rosacea flare last October. I am very slowly getting a hold on things. It has taken a lot to do this. I have changed jobs because I was constantly anxious in my previous role and it was taking its toll on my general health. I am learning to deal with the ups and downs of rosacea i.e. a flush isn't forever, I will probably flush every day and that sometimes my skins looks nice and other times meh. I am trying to focus my energy on other things like getting exercise, eating and cooking healthily and I plan on learning meditation. I have also been taking mirtazapine and this has been instrumental in helping me get a handle on things--in terms of my mental health. I am trying to learn that I may not always be able to control my rosacea but I can control my mind.

A big turning point for me was a couple of weeks ago when I went crying to my mum and she said that in all honesty my face didn't look bad (and a lot of the time I think it does feel worse than it looks) and that I was preoccupied. And she was right!

I do have to say that I have a bloody fantastic partner who I really think couldn't care less what my skin looked like. I know he cares more if I am moping around and crying all the time. I also read a great book recently and I liked a sentiment in it--which was once you start breaking down all the time it becomes a bad habit. I remember this when I see my face and want to burst out crying.

It is very hard to come to terms with the fact that I am taking medication that may in fact aggravate my rosacea. I am keeping faith that if I keep working with my derms I will get it under control. Right now I am on Remeron, take low dose tane and have had two v-beams. Some days are good, others crap, but hopefully longer term I will get some peace.