Really need some friends right now!

[jill]

Have had rosacea for about 18 years now and can't have any more IPL because of pigmentation problems, antibiotics make things worse, clonodine doesn't work any more, etc, etc. I don't have a job or close network of friends due to social phobia I suppose. Anyway having rosacea has caused problems with my husband; he feels that I have rejected him but hasn't been able to tell me how unhappy he is because he feels I have enough on my plate to deal with. Yesterday he sent me an e-mail from his work to say that he still has feelings for me but doesn't love me like he did a few years ago. This is the third time in a year we have had problems so I don't think there is any future for us. We have 2 girls aged 13 and 7 and he doesn't want to do anything to hurt them. I just feel I have no-one to turn to and could really use some friendly advice. Obviously over the last few days my rosacea has got worse due to the stress and it's so hard trying to act normally for the children when all you want to do is curl up and hibernate.
Sorry to burden you guys but at least you all know how hard it is dealing with anything traumatic on top of having rosacea.

Jill

[phlika29]

Jill

You really are going through it at the moment. I wish I could give you a big hug.

Is it possible for you to put your feelings in a letter/email to your husband, maybe he feels shut out and wants to feel needed. It is also important to spend some times with your firends, is there someone you could have a chat with? Frineds really don't care how you look.

I also wonder whether something like Zispin (Remeron) at a low dose might help both with rosacea and help you to cop with what is going on at the moment.

PM me if you would like to speak on the phone and i can ring you tonight.

Jill,
I know you must feel all alone but believe me we all here feel your pain and feel for you
Hang in there and yes as sarah said if you are so at the end of your power it can be helpfull to take an anti depessivum just to be able to go on, for your kids but also for yourself and your relationship.
For me therapie with an understanding psychologist helped me a lot , still have very bad days when i hate to live with this but there are good moments also even though the rosacea is worse then before . my husband also has difficulties with the way the rosacea' makes me behave ' but in therapie i learned how to talk (and even how to sometimes not talk !) abouth it with him
Don't feel guilty when you are down and believe me you must be a brave woman to be able to cope with this disease for so long already !
Big hug
Patrice

[Skywolf]

Jill,
Im so sorry you are going through such a bad time riight now. Big hug from me too!
I agree with Sarah to write your feelings to your husband. Sometimes its hard, even for those who are around us all the time, to understand the pain of this, and sometimes its easier to write down what your feelings are.
We are all here for you to help you through this, and you can always PM any one of us if you need to talk behind the scenes.

HUG
Laura

[Jordan]

Jill,

You say you have tried all these different drugs and are getting nowhere. Sounds like me a couple years ago. Clearing up your skin won't help the problems in your marriage and your life. Clearing up your head, however, will. You should talk about what's going on with friends and family, your husband, and let some people show you that they care for you. Open up your heart with someone you can talk to, become vulnerable. As for your rosacea specifically, I gave up ALL drugs long ago and realized it's all about diet. I can control my rosacea and seborrheic dermatitis symptoms by the way I eat. I would also, if you haven't already, try a low dose of accutane. i.e., 10mg a day or every other day. Keep your head up, persevere, and one day you will wake up and be happy that you never gave up. Oh yes one other thing - go see a doctor about anti depressants. One thing about rosacea is that it narrows your perspective to the point where it is all you think about every day all day. I remember my mind feeling "tired" at the end of the day just because of the constant worry about my skin. Anti depressants can really help you out in your time of need. Open up to emotional help, not just physical help. And please, keep responding. - Jordan

[jill]

I just read all your messages and the tears are streaming down my face - thank you so much for your kindness. I had a lovely pm from a lady who gave me her phone number and I just spoke to her and feel so much better about things. You all have made me realise that we only have one life and yes things are pretty terrible at the moment but hopefully they will improve. I have an appointment with Dr Chu in April so that's something to aim for and will definitely look into the antidepressents and counselling.
You guys are amazing!!

Jill
xxxx

[Peter]

Hello Jill

Don’t ever give up with this condition because it is possible to control it and eventually put it in remission with the correct treatment. Obviously this will not happen overnight but given perseverance and time it can be achieved. You will find Tony Chu extremely knowledgeable about rosacea and its treatment but the most important thing is he really cares about his patients. There is not much he hasn’t seen and treated before, so I’m sure he will make you feel very positive about the future.

Good luck and please let everybody know how you get on.

Bye

Peter

[redhotoz]

Hi Jill

I'm not sure if this will help but I can completely relate to your situation. I've been where you are now and it's not easy...I know! I have two young boys...almost 3 and 6 and I am now a sole parent. My husband and I separated mid 2003 and finally diovorced mid 2006. Not something I would recommend!

I get down about things but I have to keep reminding myself how great life is...that Rosacea should not make a difference. Easier said than done, huh!

I agree that the mental state needs to be treated first and foremost. If you are happy within yourself, you can share that happiness with those around you. Your girls and your hubbie need you to be strong, even if it seems so hard to do at times. I try my best to be strong for my boys. I have no family here (other than my boys), so it's just me trying my best.

You know what Jill, that's all you can really do...try your best. Open up...talk with your hubbie. Heck, even talk with your girls about how you are feeling...they are old enough to listen. You may just find that they are your best support network.

Anyway, I am probably laying my heart on my sleave but I do understand how you are feeling. Please feel free to e-mail or PM me.

Jen

[Skywolf]

Jill,
I am SO glad to hear that your feeling a little better! Hug Hug! Life just plain sucks sometimes, but we have to get through the bad and focus on the good, and it sounds like that is what you are starting to do. About antidepressants, I would do some reading here, as I think some of them can make the flushing worse? I leave it to those with more knowledge than myself on this issue to offer advice. But you have taken a great step forward, you are looking toward the future with a more positive outlook, and I wish you all the best in the world!

Laura

[slippy]

I hope all goes well. Pray to the Lord for what he has given you.

[RubyUK]

Hi Jill, it's great that you're feeling better I wish you all the best you've been through a lot and hopefully things will work out for you. I have recently been diagnosed with Rosacea but kind of knew I had something wrong with me over the years from around 16 years of age. I'm 26 now and have decided that the condition was getting worse and I'm really scared because I'm not sure a great deal is known about Rosacea and it's causes. My dermatologist has decided that drugs aren't working for me ( although I've decided to up my dosage of moxonidine in the hope it will help) and has suggested I have Pulsed dye laser. I will have a test patch done to see what it's like. The problem is I'm getting married in September and definitely don't want the treatment to interfere with that. I will have to work it around the wedding and perhaps spread the sessions out. I feel down at the moment and hope that I can manage to look ok on my wedding day (I have had make-up training in the past but still feel it is a constant challenge to get my face to look half decent:(....Sorry if I sound really shallow about looks but I feel really affected by it. I suppose I am lucky that I have a great boyfriend who wants to marry me but I would love to know if the laser will help me to get rid of my persistent redness....I am a bit worried about the effects of IPL and the time off work I will need....

[phlika29]

Ruby

There is plenty of time between now and September and I'm sure that here is plenty that can be done to help.

I noticed that you talked about pulse dye laser and IPL as if they were the same thing. If you don't know much about these sorts of treatments I would recommned that you do abit of research as they work in different ways and have different side effects. For example when I originally had pulse dye laser it was doen at quite a high setting that left purpuric? marks that took quite a while to go away. Nowadays its usualy done on a lower setting but can still cause quite alot of swelling.

Sorry if you know all this I just wanted to point it out.

Sarah

[RubyUK]

Hi Sarah, thanks its ok I appreciate the advice. I did wonder if IPL and pulsed dye laser were the same thing actually...sorry I'm a little confused so I will look it up definitley. My dermatologist has said that I will be left will black bruising that may take up to 2 weeks to heal after each treatment and as my redness is all over my face it may take up to 6 treatments (spread over 1 or 2 years) as he would need to concentrate on a small part of my face each time for example one cheek then the other then my chin etc.... I would go for it if it will help, I wish I knew. I wouldnt mind going to work with bruises after a few days as it would be worth it to see an improvement.....

[phlika29]

here is a link to D Crouch's video files where you can see the differnce betwenn treatments. Given the choice then IPL has more benefit and less down time if done correctly. Pulse dye on the bruising setting can leave demarcation marks that can be quite noticable. Have a look you will see what I mean:

http://www.tawhillsurgery.com/videofiles/LaserVideos/LaserVideoLibraryIndex.htm

Sarah

[RubyUK]

Thanks for the link I had a look and am scared...my dermatologist on the NHS suggested Pulsed dye laser...I hope they know what they're doing..I don't know if I will have a choice but next time I see him I will discuss any options. Will make up cover the bruising a little after a few days if I have the pulsed dye? I don't want to stay indoors for 2 weeks at a time:(
Many thanks for your advice

[Ajay]

I had IPL and as I have said before for me it was a life saver, I was offered pulse dye but chose to go down the IPL as it was said to have less down time and in m case that was true. I didn't avoid or do anything different after my treatmentands had very little down time, as we all know treatments can effect us differently but for me great, I haven't had one for 14 months now but have decided to go for a top up n.ext month

[RubyUK]

Thanks Ajay thats helpful I could consider this. Do you pay for your IPL treatment and how many did you have? Also if you don't mind disclosing the cost, how much did you pay?

[DukeCity]

Ajay - for the past 14 months since your last IPL treatment, have you been on any oral or topical medicine??

[Ajay]

I only use Rosex cream, which I find really good I couldn't use the Metrogel as it dried my face up really badly but the Rsex is the samr thing in cream form.